All Chilled Out!!!

OK. Now I have pulled it all together. My friend Ann who many of you know on the adoption boards has gotten her referral and well it just makes my life happy!! We have waited this whole time together and I am so happy for her.I now have strength to wait somemore. So, I decided to pull myself together and say - Damn it, I am going to make it through this no matter what. I know there is a baby waiting for me out there. He has to be born. Come on now. I will wait and he will come. That is it. The money will come from somewhere because I will not give up my dream of the last 2 1/2 years. I am not letting this wait take control of me. I will control it and this baby will come- soon! Bring it on.

I Made This To Relax Me

Still Here!

I have been really bad about posting. I am sorry but after a while it gets sad to keep posting no news. There really isn't anything exciting to tell you. I only have bad news and that is not something you want to keep hearing. We have been having a hard time financially and we keep open the possibility of halting the adoption. I don't like even thinking about it but right now there is no money for it anywhere. So no phone call is good for now. I keep trying to think of some way to afford it but can't come up with anything. We took such a hit on our house up north and the Subway hasn't taken off down here in Fl. yet. We have a signed contract to build a home here which we signed long before we had financial problems. We hadn't anticipated on having to put our girls in private school and ya da ya da ya da. The point is there is no money for the adoption. So for that reason I haven't posted much because you don't want to hear it and I don't want to keep talking about it. My husband says that his biggest fear is the phone ringing tomorrow. That makes me feel great. I feel guilty because deep inside I would rather lose our house than lose my baby but I can't say that.So unless something changes we will probably announce the declined referral of our beautiful baby fairly soon. At 25 1/2 months it can't really take much longer. It really makes me mad because I was told 8-10 months. I had the money at that time and loooong after. I had enough money to bring both my children to Taiwan with us also. This is not my fault and there is nothing I can do about it. I may have to tell my daughters they won't be getting the brother they have been waiting for for 2 1/2 years. How do you do that?? It really rips me up. I am sure I am not the only one going through this with the market being so bad right now. It just sucks.I want this baby much more than a new house or to live in Florida. If I had known what I know now I would have stayed put in NH and I would not lose my baby. If a miracle can happen, I need it now. I will keep you posted.